Poetry Hour: Extra Blankets

Extra Blankets
Your ‘I love you’s” sting like killer bees
Yet I sit here wishing that it was me you desired
Instead you give me cold shoulders like winters in Alaska
All I ever did is try to love you
And all you ever did it is take it for granted
Swallow my love like sweet nectar
But you spit it out like hot coal
BBQ my feelings until they’re extra crispy
 But I stay because when it’s good,
It feels better than living this life alone
And I keep holding to moments twice removed and cancelled
out by all the times you left me weeping on the floor
Broken dreams thrown up in toilets and flushed
There is no excuse for the way love has struck me
Half of the woman
That I was made to be
You are not a man
You are a baby
without words or a way to distinguish right from wrong
You scream when you don’t get your way
And I nurse you until my body has become malnutrition
But I am not your mother
Not your lover
Not your wife
I am just a figment
of your disconnected creation
of what love is
I let you wrestle with my self-worth
Like you hold some type of key
All you do is force feed me bullsh*t
That I have somehow turned into sugar
Leaving should be easier
yet I fear silence like
cats fear water
or the sun fears the moon
I hold on to you because
I need something to hold on too
Too bad I’m not willing to hold on to myself
keep myself warm at night
even if it requires more blankets
it’s better than the drama
that follows you like lost puppies
I can’t keep playing second
to you and your ego
I deserve more than
 left over segments
of the misplaced heartbreak
that plagues your life
like soggy band aids with too much blood
suck it up
like I always did
letting my eyes magically turn you into
prince charming
while my heart turns down
the volume on my mind
that knows secretly
that I am cheating myself
and you are just cheating
and I just keep turning blind eyes
to your never-ending havoc
until today
I’ll use extra blankets to keep me warm
before I allow another day
of this self-destruction
that was sparked by
your darkness

*Original poem created by me. I own the rights to this. Don’t steal*

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