We Are Not Your Mothers!


My co-worker sent me a blog written by a man confessing why men cheat on loyal women. I was apprehensive going into reading mostly because I’m sick of boys’ bullshit, but I was pleasantly surprised by the post. I took out a small section of his post to highlight what I thought was important. In all honestly, there are many insecure people trying to find themselves in relationships. Whether it’s because of learned behavior or past experiences, people choose to bring half of their whole trying to make it work, when it can’t.

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He basically stated that insecure men cheat, I agree. A real man, who cherishes and realizes what he has, would never consider compromising that for someone who is a side piece. If that entrée is filling, there is no need for seconds. Also, if a real man is not getting what he wants or needs from the woman who he’s with, he COMMUNICATES those issues and they move forward together or not at all. Only weak men go looking for something outside of the relationship when he can simply fix the things inside the relationship. Weak men are a no-no ladies….

Really what this blog post sparked in me is what I’ve noticed about black women. As the representers of last place on the totem pole of desirability, we tend to settle. We want to be these ride or die chicks for our black kings, but at what cost? If your man is not behaving like a king, then why do you reward him with king like behavior? There is disconnect between our worth and our relationships. Black men have become most desirable and we scratch and claw for them, but they don’t always do the same for us. I can’t, I won’t belittle myself to avoid racial stereotypes (angry black woman) or fit into their modes. If you, as a black man, can’t find anything attractive about me as a black woman who takes cares of herself, loves herself but is willing to play my role as a wife, then there is nothing for me to fight for in you. I rather past you along to the next exotic women who find you attractive. Those women also tend not to speak up for themselves or look like your mother. Black men seem to be able to find some unreasonable solace in her. I can let you go easily because it’s not me that you actually hate, it’s yourself, your skin, and your ancestry. I pity you.

So, black women, how do we move it along? At what point do we find likability in other races? Do we have to plead at black men’s doorsteps waiting for them to give us a green light? Do we coddle black men that are unwilling to work or provide for us, father children but not be a father, or demean us every chance they get in the media but still spend their nights in our bed? Forget the mode, we are it! We are the ones who other women model themselves after. There is no conspiracy around Miley twerking or tanning, it’s all in attempt to be sexy for our men! We can’t allow ourselves to be left behind because it’s morally correct. We have to fend for ourselves, and lift each other up without the help of black men, possibly. We have to find the strength in our two feet and get the ride or die mentally out of mind because it simply doesn’t work. At least, not anymore. xo.

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